Every book, every blog, every doctor will tell you that you need to make time for yourself after you become a mom. Why is it that we need to be reminded? We tend to get wrapped up in our children and their needs. As a SAHM, there is no break from my responsibilities. I live surrounded by them on a 24 x 7 basis. Intellectually it’s easy to understand that we all need to take time for ourselves so that we still feel like an individual and don’t get lost in responsibilities that we get drug down into depression, yet putting that knowledge into action sometimes seems impossible.
I go through cycles when it comes to taking time for myself, my interests, my passions, being a healthy ‘me’. I’ll do well for a while and then feel guilty because lets face it, there’s always something that needs to be done. I feel guilty because the house could be cleaner, or it’s time I could be spending with my child or there’s something out there I should be doing more of or doing better. I don’t think a lot of men have these same thoughts. They don’t typically agonize over the time they are playing games on playstation or hanging out with friends or going fishing. They are more in the moment and don’t feel the condemnation of doing things for themselves when they could be doing things for their kids, others or crossing things off that honey-do list.
I don’t know whether it’s society that puts these higher expectations on women to do all, be all to everyone and everything in their lives or if it’s hardwired in us…maybe it’s a bit of both. And women are harder on other women in these regards too, whether that is born out of our own feelings of inadequacy or personality driven is hard to say, but it creates a vicious cycle as judging each other creates more guilt and feelings of inadequacy.
On the other hand there are women to try their hardest to get out of their maternal roles every chance they get, but they are definitely the minority. I’m not the type that needs to ‘go out with the girls’ on weekends or go have some ‘retail therapy’ away from my family. I don’t do spa days or have mani pedis. I don’t have girls weekends or take trips without my family…honestly those things are pretty foreign to me. I love my family and want to be with them….I just need a break now and then, especially on the hard days. The days when my 5 year old has a 15 year old attitude or wants to throw 3 year old fits. Thankfully I picked a great guy to share this thing we call life with and he often recognizes the signs and tells me to go take some time for myself while he deals with the little guy.
But beyond those times? Yeah there in lies the rub. Trying to find that thing that makes me still feel like Mindi, not just Mom. Those things that take more than an 1/2 hour or an hour break here or there. Finding the time to prioritize myself and my passions seems almost impossible most days. I don’t know about you, but finding uninterrupted time is like an unnatural phenomenon in my house. I feel lucky when I get privacy in the bathroom!
So this blog is my attempt to do just that. I took down an old blog and started planning this one almost 3 years ago. It was something I was passionate about and couldn’t wait to start. I had it close to up and running about 2 years ago and slowly I let myself and my passions hit the bottom of the priority list again. Not intentionally, but as life comes at you fast it’s easy to drop the projects that aren’t complete, especially when there’s so many other responsibilities that must be completed first. At the time I wrote this statement in my notes and there is so much of what I think we go through as mom’s trying to ‘prioritize me’:
The weight of unresolved responsibilities hangs over my head like an anvil that is ready to crush me whenever I get wings to fly.
So here I am, saying even if it’s not 100% complete from the get go, I’m going forward with making it live before I find myself at the bottom of my priority list again and lose sight of who I want to be. I’m taking my wings and preparing to soar. I hope you come along for the ride.
Thanks for reading!